*static crackle*
I believe these were requested.
Statics heart sank, though he didn't let it show. He'd gone from actually creating something to cataloging. And of course they were old films and films that nopony even bothered to keep labeled, so you just knew they were really scraping the bottom of the barrel here. And he and Night Cap were going to go through them all.
Static nodded Night Cap towards the theatre. Let's get started, he said, trying to sound as enthused as possible around Ready Quill. Once they were out in the hallway out of earshot of Ready Quill, however, he leaned over and whispered to Night Cap. Be glad we just loaded up on coffee!
When they got to the theatre, the pony who had been running the movies was already gone.
Static looked the workspace over. OH COME ON! he blurted out as he went over to put the breezie film back where it belonged. Who in Equestria honestly thinks Breezies have anything to do with aquatics? That's just...gah! He sighed as he placed the film back in Entomology for the second time that day.
They had several hours before the next scheduled movie. Static took out the first unmarked reel and got it going.
He only needed to see the title to know he was in for a lot of pain. "The Mare on the Moon." On the surface, it seemed like this would be one movie Static might be interested in.
But no. This one was made before Luna's return. As such it was wrought with wrong information. It wasn't even wrong information like some of his other movies. Those other movies were information that had been disproved, sure.
But the one he saw now, the entire basis of it was rooted in information everypony today knew was false.
An outside usurper who tried to take the throne of Celestia's ancestor? A cannibalistic mare who would take any child who didn't give her candy? They even left out the entire prophecy!
Static scrawled out two labels for the reel. One that had the title and another with random notes.
[The Mare on the Moon: The True Story of the Demonic Usurper] [Rife with outdated information and every foal old enough to form coherent thoughts would know it. Only play this movie if you want the Keep to become a laughing stock. Only use for it would be to make another movie to show just how wrong our assumptions used to be.]
Static picked out the next movie and started it going. Oh lovely!
Before them was a film "The Origin of Ponies" about how all species of pony: earth, pegasus and unicorn all evolved from one super species of pony. It wasn't an alicorn...not really. And the movie went into great detail about why this super species wasn't an alicorn. Why was it that Pegasi got the flying, unicorns got the magic and the earth ponies got nothing. Static grunted and leaned over to Night Cap. That wasn't offensive at all!
It then went into great detail about how the different species separated into different habitats. The Earth Ponies rolled around in the dirt. The Pegasi lived their lives with their heads in the clouds. The unicorns went about the very important work of controlling the weather.
Gee, I wonder what species the director was! Static sighed as he turned to Night Cap. I don't know...what would you label this one as?
Static loaded another reel. A loud pop and crackle went over the speakers as the camera panned up while going in and out of focus.
Yikes! Not a good start.
Then a deep male voice spoke from off the frame of the camera. "Now you swear nopony's going to see this!?"
An exasperated sigh from somepony else, presumably the camerapony, replied. "This is not going into the documentary. I promise." There was a pause. "It's a documentary on volcanic islands. Why would I put this in there?"
With a sigh, the first pony walked on screen dressed up like Daring Do. With a painfully fake falsetto voice, he struck a heroic pose. "Surrender, Ahuizotl! You can not defeat me. For good shall always triumph evil and all...it's...evilness." The pony winced and took off the hat. "That was bad."
"Yeah, that was definitely bad," the camerapony agreed. "Try again?"
"No! This is stupid. Just a thought, but if your documentary's supposed to be about volcanic islands, shouldn't you be getting footage of volcanic islands."
The camera panned down getting a full shot of grass. "Let's go get a cider."
The film cut off there.
Well...that was interesting. I'm not quite sure how to file that one.
Yeah, Daring Do seemed really out of character there. Not...that I've read any of the books...because I haven't...because those are totally for eggheads...which I'm not.
I've read them all.
...
Library cards are free? What can I say?
He starts the mystery reel rolling.
As Static Signal loaded the reel, he could see that it was very short from how little film was on it. It might not even be three minutes long if one ignored the buffer at the beginning and end. It was very brittle and pungent. There was something very distinctly old about it. This was confirmed by the marker at the beginning noting a spot for a live orchestra to play as opposed to having the sound with the film itself. First there was a pre-title card stating 'REENACTMENTS - NOT ACTUAL FOOTAGE' with text indicating this was a test copy. That was followed by the actual title card, 'THE ROYAL LUNAR GUARD'. The faded sepia toned footage showed what was supposed to be Princess Luna. While the effects were far worse than the previous film about the princess Static Signal and Night Cap watched, it was obviously just a really tall earth pony with a fake horn and wings with star shaped barrettes in her hair, the attempt was far more dignified with her making a motion to raise a prop moon similar to popular depictions of how Princess Celestia raises the sun during the Summer Sun Festival. There was a rough cut to several ponies in armor standing in front of the now standing "Princess" and the armor looked like it might be some sort of training armor from the actual royal guard. 'LED MANY FOREIGN JOURNIES' flashed very briefly and was followed by another narration card 'INCLUDED NAVIGATOR NIGHTSHINE'. It showed an earth pony mare holding what was presumably a compass. 'AND LED BY BLACK NIGH...' Static Signal and Night Cap saw that the old brittle film began to warp and melt in the projector, suddenly snapping and leaving just the white of the projector light.
My responses are lost to time, unfortunately.
I believe these were requested.
Statics heart sank, though he didn't let it show. He'd gone from actually creating something to cataloging. And of course they were old films and films that nopony even bothered to keep labeled, so you just knew they were really scraping the bottom of the barrel here. And he and Night Cap were going to go through them all.
Static nodded Night Cap towards the theatre. Let's get started, he said, trying to sound as enthused as possible around Ready Quill. Once they were out in the hallway out of earshot of Ready Quill, however, he leaned over and whispered to Night Cap. Be glad we just loaded up on coffee!
When they got to the theatre, the pony who had been running the movies was already gone.
Static looked the workspace over. OH COME ON! he blurted out as he went over to put the breezie film back where it belonged. Who in Equestria honestly thinks Breezies have anything to do with aquatics? That's just...gah! He sighed as he placed the film back in Entomology for the second time that day.
They had several hours before the next scheduled movie. Static took out the first unmarked reel and got it going.
He only needed to see the title to know he was in for a lot of pain. "The Mare on the Moon." On the surface, it seemed like this would be one movie Static might be interested in.
But no. This one was made before Luna's return. As such it was wrought with wrong information. It wasn't even wrong information like some of his other movies. Those other movies were information that had been disproved, sure.
But the one he saw now, the entire basis of it was rooted in information everypony today knew was false.
An outside usurper who tried to take the throne of Celestia's ancestor? A cannibalistic mare who would take any child who didn't give her candy? They even left out the entire prophecy!
Static scrawled out two labels for the reel. One that had the title and another with random notes.
[The Mare on the Moon: The True Story of the Demonic Usurper] [Rife with outdated information and every foal old enough to form coherent thoughts would know it. Only play this movie if you want the Keep to become a laughing stock. Only use for it would be to make another movie to show just how wrong our assumptions used to be.]
Static picked out the next movie and started it going. Oh lovely!
Before them was a film "The Origin of Ponies" about how all species of pony: earth, pegasus and unicorn all evolved from one super species of pony. It wasn't an alicorn...not really. And the movie went into great detail about why this super species wasn't an alicorn. Why was it that Pegasi got the flying, unicorns got the magic and the earth ponies got nothing. Static grunted and leaned over to Night Cap. That wasn't offensive at all!
It then went into great detail about how the different species separated into different habitats. The Earth Ponies rolled around in the dirt. The Pegasi lived their lives with their heads in the clouds. The unicorns went about the very important work of controlling the weather.
Gee, I wonder what species the director was! Static sighed as he turned to Night Cap. I don't know...what would you label this one as?
Static loaded another reel. A loud pop and crackle went over the speakers as the camera panned up while going in and out of focus.
Yikes! Not a good start.
Then a deep male voice spoke from off the frame of the camera. "Now you swear nopony's going to see this!?"
An exasperated sigh from somepony else, presumably the camerapony, replied. "This is not going into the documentary. I promise." There was a pause. "It's a documentary on volcanic islands. Why would I put this in there?"
With a sigh, the first pony walked on screen dressed up like Daring Do. With a painfully fake falsetto voice, he struck a heroic pose. "Surrender, Ahuizotl! You can not defeat me. For good shall always triumph evil and all...it's...evilness." The pony winced and took off the hat. "That was bad."
"Yeah, that was definitely bad," the camerapony agreed. "Try again?"
"No! This is stupid. Just a thought, but if your documentary's supposed to be about volcanic islands, shouldn't you be getting footage of volcanic islands."
The camera panned down getting a full shot of grass. "Let's go get a cider."
The film cut off there.
Well...that was interesting. I'm not quite sure how to file that one.
Yeah, Daring Do seemed really out of character there. Not...that I've read any of the books...because I haven't...because those are totally for eggheads...which I'm not.
I've read them all.
...
Library cards are free? What can I say?
He starts the mystery reel rolling.
As Static Signal loaded the reel, he could see that it was very short from how little film was on it. It might not even be three minutes long if one ignored the buffer at the beginning and end. It was very brittle and pungent. There was something very distinctly old about it. This was confirmed by the marker at the beginning noting a spot for a live orchestra to play as opposed to having the sound with the film itself. First there was a pre-title card stating 'REENACTMENTS - NOT ACTUAL FOOTAGE' with text indicating this was a test copy. That was followed by the actual title card, 'THE ROYAL LUNAR GUARD'. The faded sepia toned footage showed what was supposed to be Princess Luna. While the effects were far worse than the previous film about the princess Static Signal and Night Cap watched, it was obviously just a really tall earth pony with a fake horn and wings with star shaped barrettes in her hair, the attempt was far more dignified with her making a motion to raise a prop moon similar to popular depictions of how Princess Celestia raises the sun during the Summer Sun Festival. There was a rough cut to several ponies in armor standing in front of the now standing "Princess" and the armor looked like it might be some sort of training armor from the actual royal guard. 'LED MANY FOREIGN JOURNIES' flashed very briefly and was followed by another narration card 'INCLUDED NAVIGATOR NIGHTSHINE'. It showed an earth pony mare holding what was presumably a compass. 'AND LED BY BLACK NIGH...' Static Signal and Night Cap saw that the old brittle film began to warp and melt in the projector, suddenly snapping and leaving just the white of the projector light.
My responses are lost to time, unfortunately.
